What is domestic abuse?

At least one in four women and one in six men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.

But many people live with it without realising because they don’t understand what it means.

You might have heard it referred to as domestic violence but we try not to use this term because we want people to understand physical violence isn’t always involved.

Control

We describe domestic abuse as any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between adults who are or who have been intimate partners or family members.

Domestic abuse is about repetitive controlling behaviour. It can be psychological, financial, emotional or physical but whatever form it takes there’s no excuse and the victim is never to blame.

Anyone, regardless of they’re age, race, religion, sexual orientation or class, can experience domestic abuse and it’s not always partners involved – family members can be abusive too.

Substance abuse and mental health issues are sometimes viewed as a cause of domestic abuse, but there’s no excuse. If you or your partner are living with these issues we would encourage you to seek help.

Common behaviours

There’s no set pattern to domestic abuse and it’s impossible to generalise, but there are common behaviours linking abusive relationships.

There are people who can help but no one can intervene until you recognise what’s happening, so noticing these behaviours is the first step.

Below we’ve listed a few common behaviours to help you recognise domestic abuse but it’s important to remember each situation is unique.

• Destructive criticism, name calling, mocking, making accusations.
  
  
• Disconnecting the telephone or monitoring or blocking calls.
  
  
• Making it difficult for you to leave the house or contact friends, by taking the car away for example.
  
  
• Lying to you and your family and friends about you.
  
  
• Stopping you seeing family and friends or checking up on you.
  
  
• Physical violence, e.g, punching, burning, kicking, pulling hair, slapping.
  
   He used to say sorry every time and I thought he does love me because he’s apologising.
  Domestic abuse survivor
  
  
• Sexual violence e.g, forcing you to perform sexual acts or to look at pornographic material.
  
  
• Making you feel you are to blame for causing the abusive behaviour.
  
  
• Making threats.

For more information, download a leaflet put together by Chelmsford Women’s Aid explaining Domestic abuse.

The national Women’s Aid charity has put together an online questionnaire to help women recognise domestic abuse.

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