Stay alert when a stranger flirts

As Valentine’s Day approaches, we are offering advice on how to stay safe when dating online to help make sure criminals don’t break any hearts this year.

It's a sad reality that criminals are looking to take advantage of those looking for love online.

Fortunately, in Essex, romance fraud offenses have continued to decline as Essex Police officers, staff and volunteers continue to work hard to keep you safe online.

Last year, 191 cases of romance fraud were reported across the county, 13% lower than the previous year. But for us, just one victim of crime is one too many. We want to make sure that crime in Essex continues to decline.

So, as part of Safer Internet Day on Tuesday 7 February, we are expanding our online safety campaign to offer more information and advice on how you can stay safe online. 

Detective Chief Inspector Dan Morrissey from our Crime and Public Protection Team who work to protect vulnerable people in our community and pursue the most dangerous offenders, said:

“Dating sites, gaming platforms and social messaging services are all a great way to meet new people, discover new passions or learn a new skill.
"Sadly, there are some people who use these online platforms to look for victims and commit crime. It can be difficult to know how to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe.
“In December last year, we published a new page on our website called Sort Your Settings. It has proved to be a useful tool for parents, guardians and caregivers in helping to keep their children safe online.
"Now we want to start a conversation about staying safe when dating online, and the warning signs to look out for."

Most people who join dating sites are genuine and are looking for love or friendship. But there are some who aren't.

In 2022, Action Fraud reported an estimated £88 million was lost to romance fraudsters in the UK. £1.6 million of this happened to people in Essex.

But it's not just romance fraud that people can become victims of when it comes to online dating. Stalking and harassment can happen online too. Email text messages, social media and tracking apps are all ways victims can be stalked or harassed online. Remember, harassment is when unwanted behaviour happens more than once.

When we start to talk to someone new online, regardless of website or app, there are steps we can take to help prevent our online lives from impacting our offline lives.

Here are some tips to help keep you safe when dating online.

Beware of what you are telling the world

Try not to give too much personal information away. This might not always be as simple as it sounds.

For example, someone you have just met online doesn’t need to know your dog is called Barney and that you like to go to the quiz every Tuesday night at the Crown pub in Westcliff.

By giving away too many details, you could be providing someone with exactly what they need. This could include enticing you into a scam, accessing your passwords or where to find you before you’re ready to tell them.

Approach online interactions the same as you would if you started a conversation with a stranger in person. Take your time to get to know them and trust your instincts.

Stay on a secure platform

When you are chatting on a dating site or within an online game, everyone is bound by the platform’s rules and guidelines. This means you have a way to raise concerns or report inappropriate behaviour.

When you move away from these sites to messaging apps, phone calls or texting, you lose the safety net they provide. Staying on a secure platform until you are more confident about someone is the safer way to communicate.

Do a quick image check

There is a limit to what dating sites can do to check backgrounds of users and verify information.

Don’t let the fact that someone is on a reputable dating site lower your sense of security. To help confirm the person you are interested in is who they say they are, you could do a quick web search on any images they have sent you. This can make sure the photos have not just been copied from another website.

To do this using Google on a desktop

1. Open a new browser
2. In the search bar, click on the camera icon
3. You can now drag and drop a photo into the search option

Note: to access on a phone, you would need to download the Google image app

Image search using Microsoft Bing on a desktop

1. Open a new browser
2. In the search bar, click on the camera icon
3. You can now drag and drop a photo into the search option

Location sharing

All social media platform and some apps have their own privacy settings which you should check to make sure they are right for you. They include things like the ability to set a social media account to private, prevent friend requests from people you don’t know or don’t want to contact you and hide the location of your device from others.

Check your setting on each of the different platforms and apps you use to make sure they are right for you.

Red flags to look for when talking to someone new online

• Pressure to move away from the site/app
• Declarations of love that come about very quickly
• The illusion of wealth
• Requests for money or offering you money
• Suggestions of potential investments
• Making, breaking, or changing arrangements
• Beware of a sob story to access money from you

If you enter a relationship with someone new and start to feel a little unsure about the situation, there are steps you can take.

Clare's Law gives any member of the public the right to ask the police if their partner may pose a risk to them.

For more information about Clare's Law and how to make an application please visit our domestic violence disclosure scheme page.